I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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