Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
