Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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