not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Even my vagina gasped.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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