Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
