8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
