i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
