Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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