And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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