a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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