I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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