just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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