Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
