I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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