you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
