Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
