I need help removing her.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
