Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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