Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
