I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize