You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
