im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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