Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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