how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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