Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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