just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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