I heard we made out
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
