Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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