I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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