made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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