Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
