Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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