so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
