everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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