remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
