I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
