Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
