i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
