Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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