Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
