I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I need water and some morals
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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