she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
