So drunk its hurt
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
