My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I deserve this hangover.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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