I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
