You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
