Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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