and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
