Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
