I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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