I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
