dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
