I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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