i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
