PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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