Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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