We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
