do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize