Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
