if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
