he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
