boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
