Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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