I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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