You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
