in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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