just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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