It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
