Farmville is her only friend.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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