sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
