anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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