'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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