cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
