Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
