apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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