Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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