Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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