were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
