did you get engaged???
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
