I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
