when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize