Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
