Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
