Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize