Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
