In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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