Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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