Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
