I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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