Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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