I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the condom got lost in my hair
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
