i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
