did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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