but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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