I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
