So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize