I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
