I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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