I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize