if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
