he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
