I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
