I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
