my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
