I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
