U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
