we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize