GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
